Another Muslim atrocity, another proof of Cameron’s alien origin

Dave’s reaction to the Tunisian massacre proves yet again that he isn’t human in any other than the purely technical sense. Oh, he has all the requisite body parts, and one may even claim with some anatomical accuracy that he has a brain.

Yet possessing a brain isn’t a uniquely human characteristic. The manner of using it is, and that’s where Dave shows his extra-human nature, proving he belongs to Homo politicus, not Homo sapiens.

Central to Dave’s species is the oft-professed belief that all groups of people, be they ethnic, racial, professional, sexual or religious, aren’t just equal but for all practical purposes identical. Thus if members of one group consistently act in ways that separate them from all others, this must by no means be explained by their collective identity.

Hence Dave’s response to the Tunisian massacre: “Such terror attacks can happen everywhere.” Quite. Everywhere where there are Muslims.

Since 9/11, Muslims have been committing murderous terrorist attacks at the rate of five a day, including only the life-taking assaults whose perpetrators self-admittedly act out of religious duty.

In 2014 the BBC calculated that in the single month of November Muslims carried out 664 attacks resulting in 5,042 deaths. Yet, in spite of the shrieks of Allahu akbar! accompanying many of these and thousands of other crimes, Dave refuses to take the Muslims at their own word.

The terrorists may think they understand Islam, he effectively says, but they don’t. Dave does. True Islam “is a religion of peace”. This mantra originated by Dubya has become de rigueur for Homo politicus, and Dave feels duty-bound to repeat it every time Muslims prove exactly the opposite.

Surely Dave’s understanding of Islam isn’t based on its founder’s CV? For Mohammed’s first act after moving from Mecca to Medina was to murder hundreds of Jews with his own hand. This is how Mohammed’s earliest Muslim biographer describes this 627 AD event:

“When [the Jewish Qurayza tribe] surrendered, the Prophet confined them in Medina… Then he sent for them and struck off their heads… as they were brought out to him in batches… There were 600 or 700 in all, though some put the figure as high as 800 or 900…”

Mohammed also dictated over 100 scriptural verses explicitly calling for killing infidels and, say what you will about the Muslims, unlike us they follow their commandments religiously, as it were.

No human being could possibly argue Islam’s peaceful nature in the cosmically moronic way of Dave and his ilk. Relatively few Muslims, they say, strap explosives to their bodies or spray bystanders with bullets. That’s God’s own truth.

But using the same Homo politicus logic, one could also insist that racism is an ideology of peace – after all, few racists, including those living in Charleston, South Carolina, shoot up black churches.

Dave’s suspect biological origin wouldn’t be worth discussing if his extraterrestrial drivel didn’t compromise our ability to prevent the religion of peace from committing further such crimes.

While Dave strikes lachrymose poses and claims that what passes for his heart “goes out to the victims and their families”, the National Crime Agency warns that Muslims are working hand-in-glove with organised crime to smuggle hundreds of automatic weapons into Britain.    

Most of them are Czech-made Skorpion SMGs, vindicating Dave’s other humanoid belief in the valuable contribution Eastern European immigrants make to British culture.

The only way to prevent those Skorpions from firing is to stop indulging in word games based on the nonexistent semantic distinctions between ‘Islamic’ and ‘Islamist’.

If we really had a human, as opposed to humanoid, PM, he’d be announcing that he’s instructing our police to treat every young Muslim as a potential mass murderer.

“The first duty of the government is to protect its people,” a human being would be saying. “Such measures would never be introduced in peacetime. Yet we aren’t at peacetime. We’re at war with the deadly cult of Islam, at present especially impassioned and dangerous.”

Alas, we haven’t got a Homos sapiens governing us. We have a specimen of Homo politicus in charge, so let’s brace ourselves for blood flowing in our streets.

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