Jesus as an illegal migrant

Some stained glass windows are beautiful, but others are offensive. One example of the latter is, or rather was, a window at St Mary Redcliff church in Bristol.

It depicted Edward Colston (d. 1721), a sea merchant and philanthropist who endowed numerous schools and other institutions. He was also a Tory MP, which was offensive enough by itself because, as we know, only the Labour, LibDem and Green parties confer moral rectitude on their members. You might say that those parties didn’t exist at the time Colston lived, but that’s a lame excuse. He should have anticipated modern politics centuries in advance.

More damning, he didn’t anticipate modern sensibilities either. That’s why Colston not only endowed schools but also engaged in a spot of slave trade, which outweighed all his philanthropy in the eyes of that church. Hence the window showing his likeness had to be removed, that went without saying.

But since leaving a blank windowpane would have been unsightly, it had to be replaced with an image more consonant with today’s morality. As a result, the window now shows the Holy Family in an inflatable boat carrying illegal migrants, contextually Muslim, across the Channel.

Yes, everyone knows that, like the Labour, LibDem and Green parties, Islam didn’t exist at the time (neither did inflatable boats, come to think of it). But since Jesus is part of the divine Trinity, he is outside time. Thus any chronological argument against him being, say, a Labour MP for Galilee South or, for that matter, an illegal Muslim migrant is irrelevant. Jesus belongs in that illegal boat metaphysically, as the term is misunderstood at that church.

If you think this is insane, brace yourself. For anything Somerset can do, Norfolk can do worse.

The Norfolk diocese ordered its parishes to strengthen their commitment to DEI and kindly issued an “anti-racist” toolkit to help vicars and lay communicants to steer clear of “Eurocentrist” prayers.

The toolkit states that clergy should “ensure that intercessions are aligned with the concerns of the congregation and are not entirely Eurocentric”. Now, Norfolk is a largely rural county whose population is 95 per cent ‘Eurocentric’, which here means white.

As for the concerns of Norfolk’s Anglicans, one assumes they are basically Christian. That is, they must be “aligned” with pleas for individual salvation, repentance for sins and intercessions on behalf of those in need of God’s help. If some parishioners cast their intercessory net wider, they may also ask God for less parochial assistance, but I doubt they highlight the race of those who deserve it.     

That, according to the guidance, isn’t good enough. Priests should lead and encourage prayers to “include different languages and topics”. One such prayer would ask God to “open our hearts, that we may be bold in finding the riches of inclusion and the treasures of diversity among us”.

We, the congregants, O Lord, continues the blueprint prayer, “come before you, a holy family, a rainbow people”. The toolkit also suggests a Sunday “Collect for Racial Justice”, kicked off with a prayer begging God Almighty to: “Stir the hearts of your people that, rejoicing in our diversity, we may repent of the wrongs of the past.”

Such as those committed by Edward Colston in another county and another century. Let’s not forget, continues the guidance, that Christianity was spread with the help of “racist European ideologies”.

Quite. Paul might have written “neither Jew nor Greek”, but what he really meant was “and especially not Muzzie-Wuzzies”. It’s that kind of implicit racism that accounted for the spread of Christianity.

And of course, during Ramadan, that equivalent of Lent according to the Archbishop of New York, Norfolk Anglicans should “pray for Muslims”. If parishes wish to have any pictorial representations of divinity, they should  “display images that reflect diversity in the Body of Christ”. Such, one assumes, as that of the Holy Family trying to evade British immigration services.

The toolkit enjoys episcopal support, with both the Rt Rev Graham Usher, the Bishop of Norwich, and the Rt Rev Dr Jane Steen, the Bishop of Lynn, endorsing it enthusiastically. The latter, that living argument against the consecration of women, wrote a foreword to the guidance, in which she explained that prayers should reflect DEI because “our counties are becoming more ethnically diverse”.

The aspiring sociologist in me rejoices: religious observance is now put on a solid demographic basis. Extrapolating on that logic, the dioceses of Leeds or Leicester, whose populations are much more diverse than Norfolk’s, should be chanting “there is no God but Allah and Mohammed is his prophet”, followed by a resounding “Allahu Akbar!”.

If you are still wondering why the pews in Anglican churches are empty, wonder no more. People don’t need to go to churches for a torrent of woke effluvia. They can get that sort of thing from profane sources whose name is legion.

What Christians expect in a church is a glimpse of the kingdom that is not of this world, certainly not of the ugliest manifestations of this world. Do Norwich parishioners realise that their diocese’s guidance isn’t just woke and stupid but also heretical? Or have they been sufficiently brainwashed already to think they celebrate mass to atone for the sins of “white supremacists” like Edward Colston?

One wonders if this is what Henry VIII had in mind when he tore the English Church away from the Roman communion. He was by all accounts an intelligent man, but evidently not enough to realise that, when a church becomes an extension of the secular state, it will sooner or later reflect its current policies – including those that are un-Christian or even anti-Christian.

I’d suggest immediate disestablishment, but that would have unpredictable social and constitutional consequences. In any case, the Church of England may be too far gone to be helped even by such radical measures.

Lest you think this is just confessional chauvinism speaking, that New York prelate who sees little difference between Ash Wednesday and Ramadan is Catholic. So perhaps it’s not establishment that’s to blame for the plight of the C of E.

It may be just something in the modern air, and let’s pray for those toxic miasmas to dissipate. Or else you can pray for DEI virtue, whichever you prefer.