Admirals ain’t what they used to be

Dr Richard Levine was in his mid-50s when he decided to get castrated and become Rachel.

As a lifelong champion of inclusion and chairman of the Charles Martel Society for Multi-Culturalism (of which, you’ll be happy to know, I’m no longer the sole member), I salute Richard/Rachel for his/her courage.

After all, Richard had to explain the transition to his wife and two children, which must have confused them no end. “So, Daddy, are you now our Mummy?” “No, silly, I’m still your Daddy, but if I have any more children, I’ll be their Mummy.”

Richard’s little metamorphosis didn’t hurt his spectacular career. A paediatrician by profession, he served in the US Navy, which raises interesting questions about its recruitment policy. After all, a paediatrician treats children, and one would like to think a modern Navy doesn’t use many of them.

Does the US Navy pressgang children into its ranks? I must investigate. One way or another, Richard/Rachel reached four-star rank, the first transsexual to climb so high on the career ladder. And that wasn’t the only first that sea she-wolf has attained.

In 2021, Joe Biden appointed him/her Assistant Health Secretary, making Dr Levine the highest-ranking transsexual in the administration and the first such holder of a post requiring Senate confirmation. That duly arrived, but by a razor-thin majority of 52 to 48.

Frankly, I’m surprised it wasn’t unanimous. Clearly, some work still needs to be done to make sure American legislators march in step with progress. As it was, 48 senators, all of them Republicans, tried to stall that march.

Now Dr Levine is in a position to enlarge my vocabulary, which he did obligingly if inadvertently. He/she visited Identity Alaska, a centre looking after the ‘LGBTQIA2S+’ community which stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, and two spirit. The term is new to me, and I wouldn’t have learned it without Dr Levine’s initiative.

The care provided by Identity Alaska is essential and, says Dr Levine, even more than that. According to him/her: “These inspiring people work tirelessly to create a more equitable future, where all those living in the U.S. have equal access to lifesaving medical care.”

Lifesaving, no less. Who wouldn’t want to support an organisation that saves human lives? No one – except those dyed-in-the-wool reprobates who want to know exactly how IA goes about its noble task.

If you are one of those disagreeable individuals, you ought to know that IA promotes ‘gender-inclusive biology’ (another term new to me) by teaching children that doctors assign gender to babies by making a wild guess.

The guesswork is based on the crude technique of checking out what babies have between their legs. Amazing how simplistic some people can get, how hopelessly mired in the past.

IA has also made invaluable contributions to English, specifically mine. For example, they recommend that the word ‘mother’ be replaced with ‘egg producer’.

Now, much as I abhor gender-specific language, this particular term needs work. In most people’s minds an egg producer is associated with a hen, which has vaguely pejorative overtones. Even worse, when a prospective egg producer still hasn’t produced any, she might be called a ‘chick’ – and you don’t need me to know how misogynistic this term is.

Perhaps aware of such pitfalls, IA propose an alternative: ‘gestational parent’. This is much better, but the term doesn’t really roll off the tongue, especially in combinations. For instance, I can’t see Ravel’s Gestational Parent Goose Suite on too many concert programmes. Still, even though some refinements may be needed, this is a step in the right direction.

To keep things in balance, IA extends its life-saving work to censor the word ‘men’ as well. Their proposal, ‘XY individuals’, does get around gender specificity, but it’s not without its own problems.

Dr Levine’s own example proves that not all XY individuals are men, as far as modern nomenclature goes. Moreover, one detects a suggestion that an XX individual can’t become a man, and surely that’s unthinkable.

I don’t even know what to suggest. The first idea I thought of was ‘an individual with male reproductive organs’, but the word ‘male’ puts paid to that suggestion. According to IA, and presumably Dr Levine, children must be taught to call such organs ‘penis and testicles’, which at least has the advantage of descriptive simplicity.

IA, with Dr Levine’s blessing (which is to say with the blessing of the US administration), then veered away from simplicity by taking issue with the term ‘gender reveal party’. I didn’t quite understand what sort of revelry that was, and I still don’t. But, much as I love long words, I still don’t think many people will like, or indeed understand, ‘embryogenesis parties’. 

“The treatment options for gender-affirming care for transgender youth really are evidence-based,” Levine said, making me wonder how renouncing one’s own sex can be seen as affirmation. But I bow to the experts.

But then he/she said something that jarred. Dr Levine, while professing boundless love for his/her own children, says that kiddies should start ‘gender-affirming’ treatment as teenagers – even if that means they won’t be able to have children.

What kind of evidence-based statement is that? Doesn’t the good admiral know that medical science has advanced so much that men can now get pregnant?

So fine, such men didn’t start life as XY individuals, but I have every confidence that before long Dr Levine’s colleagues will find a way of implanting female reproductive organs into the bodies of bearded men born with a penis and testicles.

All that advance will take is more state funding, and I’m reassured to know that, according to Dr Levine, gender-affirmative care for children has the “highest support” of the Biden administration. Yes, but what if the Biden administration doesn’t come back after next year’s elections? That doesn’t bear thinking about.

But seriously now. Gender dysphoria is a mental illness, and psychiatric disorders used to be seen as a disqualifying condition for any holder of a government post.

Hence I’m happy to know that medical care in the US is so superlative that it isn’t affected by the second-highest health official in the country being – to use a technical term – unhinged. Or rather I would be happy if the situation were indeed sunny.

But it isn’t. Every time I talk to my American friends, they tell me horror stories about medical care in their country. While stopping just short of fully imitating our own dear NHS, Americans have still imported its worse features.

Under such circumstances, one would think someone in Dr Levine’s position would have more important things to worry about than gender-affirmative care for children. Yes, that would be the case if we lived in a sane world. But we don’t, so it isn’t.

Franz Kafka, where are you when we need you? It takes someone of that genius to give justice to today’s world. As it is, you are stuck with me.