Dave hits ‘Britain on the rise’

The prospect of moronic, actively subversive Marxists winning the next election is being upgraded from possibility to likelihood. No wonder. After a century of concerted socialist propaganda, voting for that lot comes naturally to most Brits, and they only ever fail to do so when the Tories give them a compelling reason.

As a rule, the Tories manage to do this best after a few years of Labour rule and the devastation of the country that inevitably ensues. Yet this time around Labour did such a thorough job that it would take inspired statesmanship to put Humpty Dumpty together again. Such a reassembling job is clearly beyond Dave and his jolly friends, which means the Tories and, more lamentably, the country must brace themselves for a 2015 Millibandit raid.

The prospect is so awful that the true-blue are in hysterical denial, desperately trying to convince themselves first and the country second that ‘Britain is on the rise’, as Dave put it at the Conference. Incidentally, both Dave and his deputy purport to be tennis players. They cannot be very good for otherwise they would know that the phrase ‘on the rise’ refers to hitting the ball early and hard. Presumably that is not what Dave meant, so the choice of phrase is unfortunate.

One wishes this were the only thing wrong with his mealy-mouthed, cloyingly sentimental speech, in which bad rhetoric happily coexisted with vacuous content. Nevertheless the self-hypnotised Tories, and hacks who live in their pocket, hailed the speech as a brilliant piece of oratory putting Demosthenes and Cicero to shame. Few have stopped to ponder what it was that was actually said. Had they done so, they would have had to come to an unpalatable conclusion: next to nothing.

Not just the speech but also what accompanied it provided an audiovisual demonstration of what is wrong with our politics. I am referring to the inescapable show of our leaders indulging in public foreplay with their wives before or after speaking. They have learned this stage technique from Americans who do bad taste the way they breathe. For the likes of Dave French-kissing his wife on the conference platform makes one’s stomach turn, even if no tongues came into play. Perhaps next time, if there is a next time, he ought to pull Samantha’s knickers down and really show the world how much they are still in love after all these years.

Such phoney displays spring from the assumption that the public will equate a politician’s virile affection for his spouse with his ability to govern. Even supposing against available evidence that this is the case, rather than catering to such feeblemindedness our leaders should seek to discourage it – going against the latest focus-group research if necessary.

Dave’s tear-jerking references to his father who was born with deformed legs and his retarded son who tragically died in infancy fall into the same category. Rather than campaigning for sensible support Dave is angling for the sympathy vote. Again the assumption seems to be that lachrymose voters will be so moved by tragedies in Dave’s family that they will overlook the tragedies in their own lives, many of which are a direct result of our governors past and present.

The ornamentation out of the way, do let us consider whether what Dave actually said justified the triumphant paroxysms his speech produced. On the subject of the economy his boast was ‘Yes, it’s worse than we thought; yes, it’s taking longer – but we are making progress.’ So much of it in fact that the IMF is predicting a 0.4-percent contraction of the British economy. And if it has taken this lot two years to realise how bad the economy is they are not fit to run a furniture warehouse, never mind a serious country.

Against this background Dave’s continuing commitment to increasing foreign aid can only generously be called ill-advised. Ever since Lord Bauer showed, facts in hand, that such aid is a way of ‘transferring money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries’ a horde of third-world despots amassing offshore billions have vindicated this brilliant verdict. Yet here is Dave, pulling on our heart strings: foreign aid makes ‘the difference between living and dying’. ‘How can anyone tell me that’s a waste of money?’ he asks rhetorically. Easily, Dave. Just read your Lord Bauer.

Britain, continued Dave, is the best country in the world, as demonstrated by the Olympics and especially Paralympics in which his late son Ivan would have been qualified to compete had he not tragically died so young. The words ‘manipulative drivel’ spring to mind, but only after one has wiped off the tears streaming down one’s face.

Europe? No more beating about the bush, not with our Dave. He declared resolutely and unequivocally that under the right circumstances he might consider a referendum at some unspecified time, provided it is not of the in-or-out sort. It should be more along the lines of how much we like/dislike EU diktats, and thank you very much, Mr Voter, for letting us know. We now know you are not in love with Barroso and we shall jolly well tell him so.

The whole spectacle was clearly designed to show that Dave feels our pain, while his party can do caring and compassion with the worst of them. Never mind a statesman’s mind and courage – all we need to know is that Dave bleeds like us and his blood is not at all blue. What better reason to vote him in?

If he seriously thinks this sort of thing can swing the 2015 vote, either he is stupid or he thinks the voters are. He may be right – it is conceivable that we do not deserve anything better. If so, we are likely to get something even worse.





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