The Macrons are surrounded with all sorts of theories, some rather plausible, some less plausible – and my own.
In the good tradition of modernity, I’m going to put myself first and start with my own explanation of this unlikely yet enduring romance.
Brigitte’s maiden name, Trogneux, is renowned in and around Amiens, where her family owns a chain of patisseries. These are particularly celebrated for their delicious macaroons (macarons in French). Know what I’m driving at?
When Brigitte, a school teacher of 39, first clapped her eyes on her pupil Manny Macron, she couldn’t help being smitten: not only was the 14-year-old sweet enough to eat, but his surname sounded just like the foundation of the Trogneux family fortune.
Within a few months the couple were having an affair, the delay probably caused by the silly obstacle of the law. I suspect – and this is another theory – that Brigitte was waiting for Manny to reach the age of consent, which is 15 in France. Such respect for the law is exactly what one would expect from France’s future Première Dame.
If divergence in a single letter (between homoiousios and homoousios) has been known to start wars, I don’t see why a similar difference couldn’t have started a tryst. But I shan’t hold it against you if you dismiss my nominalist theory as preposterous.
Another theory was yesterday put forth, or rather hinted at, by Roberto Menia, a member of the Italian senate. He was aghast at Manny’s earlier suggestion that, push come to shove, NATO could put troops into the Ukraine.
“’Peace cannot be achieved even by hypothesising military interventions,” Menia said, “even by muscle flexing, by one who usually proves to be rather feminine, and you know who I’m talking about.”
Yes, we know who. And we also know what he was talking about, as anyone does who has spent any time in France at all.
In some French circles, Manny’s predilections in matters amorous are treated as a fait accompli – and dismissed with the characteristic Gallic shrug. Following that trend, I’ll dismiss them with a characteristic Anglo-Russian shrug, and I even promise to shun words like ‘smoke’ and ‘fire’ when talking about the French president’s domestic bliss.
Yet another preposterous theory adds a piquant touch to this scabrous narrative. Some malevolent gossips (mauvaises langues) have been spreading a vicious – and unfounded! – rumour that Brigitte Macron is actually a trans, born Jean-Michel.
That theory began to circulate immediately after the happy couple emerged out of the political wilderness, and it refuses to die. The best way to ensure such a demise would be simply to ignore the gossip, but Brigitte made a strategic mistake by suing the hack who first made that claim. She won her case last year, to guarantee the permanent presence of words like ‘smoke’ and ‘fire’ (fumée et feu) in any conversation on the matter.
Enter the American conservative commentator Candace Owens who wrote that: “After looking into this, I would stake my entire professional reputation on the fact that Brigitte Macron is in fact a man.” That fact is in fact interesting, as is Miss Owens’s slipshod editing.
She then tugged on the anti-establishment strings of my heart by adding: “Any journalist or publication that is trying to dismiss this plausibility is immediately identifiable as establishment.”
What’s Brigitte, aka Jean-Michel, supposed to do? She can’t keep suing everyone who questions her sex, and in any case Miss Owens is securely separated from French courts by the Atlantic Ocean.
Being somewhat closer to France, I “dismiss the plausibility” out of hand, but not before peeking with one eye at Miss Owens’s arguments.
They are largely based on an early black-and-white photograph of the Trogneux family, featuring among other members of the clan little Brigitte and her elder brother. According to Miss Owens, the little girl was actually adopted, and her elder brother is actually Brigitte, née Jean-Michel.
Apparently, the Faits et documents investigation used Chinese software to update the photo and cite the facial similarity between the two siblings.
As far as Miss Owens is concerned, the comparison is a “dead ringer”, showing the same face. “It’s crazy to me,” she wrote, “that you would not say that these two individuals look alike.”
Much as I’d like to agree out of sheer mischief, I feel compelled to point out that, first, ‘look alike’ isn’t identical to ‘the same person’, and second, it’s not unusual for brother and sister to look alike. For example, Penelope looks very much like her brother, and yet I have it on good authority she is all woman.
Not being an expert in facial recognition software, I can’t offer my own assessment. However, another argument Miss Owens offers isn’t without merit.
According to her, Jean-Michel became Brigitte by ‘transitioning’ in his/her early thirties. Hence the easiest way of debunking the ugly rumours would be for her to crack her family album open and make public the photographs documenting her first three decades.
However, wrote Miss Owens: “The first obvious thing is the first lady is simply unable to produce any photos of herself throughout the first 30 years of her life.”
She then provided a superfluous illustration of her meaning by sharing with the world the copious photographic evidence of her own gradually budding femininity. As a clincher, Miss Owens added that Brigitte’s first husband who is supposed to have died in 1969 kept such a low profile that he probably never existed.
Interestingly, similar rumours circulate about the Obamas, with Michelle said to be rather more masculine than Barak. That gossip, however, is nowhere near as persistent, and neither have I seen any attempts to analyse any photographic evidence one way or the other.
Manny himself refused to follow my advice to ignore the rumour-mongers. In a speech on 8 March, which he perversely calls International Women’s Day rather than the Mothering Sunday it really is, he said:
“The worst thing is the false information and fabricated scenarios. People eventually believe them and disturb you, even in your intimacy.”
Yes, I can just imagine Manny saying to Brigitte in an intimate situation: “Fancy that, maman. They say you are un homme, and moi, je suis quelque chose that sounds almost like it.”
“Never mind, mon petit,” says Brigitte, “and just keep doing what you are doing…” And she doesn’t mean running France into the ground either.
A fun story. I’m stuck at home with laryngitis, and this conspiracy theory was new to me and cheered me up a lot. Fact checking on youtube was fun too, if only because of the hilarious way some American pundits say ‘Macron’. One of Brigitte’s three children by her first marriage, with whom she’s sometimes photographed, could step forward to scotch the rumour, I suppose, but maybe they are enjoying it too. Or maybe the Macrons started the rumour themselves, judging the French people to be more at home with the idea of a male than a female cradle-snatcher.
While we’re fact checking, a macaroon is a distinct confection from a macaron, the former being squidgy , brown and flavoured with almonds.
Not many people seem to be aware that the “Joe” in “Joe Biden” is short for “Josephine”.
This became evident in the USA, when Biden asked, “Am I permitted to continue to support Israel’s right to defend herself?” The reply was, “Not tonight, Josephine.”