The dictionary defines jingoism as “extreme patriotism, especially in the form of aggressive or warlike foreign policy”. Yet what interests me now isn’t the meaning but the origin.
The word comes from ‘by Jingo’, a euphemistic oath coined at a time when taking God’s name in vain was still considered ill-advised. Though ‘Jingo’ transparently stood for ‘Jesus’, it was less likely to incur divine retribution.
Apparently, the expression first entered the English language in 1694, in a translation of François Rabelais’s 16th century novels Gargantua and Pantagruel.
Rabelais was a brilliant satirist who could never be accused of excessive piety. Hence his work abounded in obscenities, scatological and sexual allusions, swearwords and oaths based on divine personages. The expression par Dieu! in particular appeared on practically every page, but for the English the literal translation was off limits at the time.
Thus, when Rabelais’s giants and their jester Panurge started cracking their witticisms in English, they replaced that objectionable phrase with a politically (religiously?) correct ‘by Jingo!’
The phrase is still occasionally heard in England today, but it owes its staying power not to Rabelais, but to an 1878 song belted out in English pubs. Interestingly, it first appeared in a context eerily similar to today’s Ukraine.
That was the time of yet another Russo-Turkish war, and the Russians had just routed Ottoman troops in the Battle of Plevna, in Bulgaria. The road to Constantinople and the Straits seemed open, but Britain strongly discouraged the Russians from taking it.
British drinkers translated that geopolitical stance into a song that made up in gusto what it lacked in poetic technique:
“We don’t want to fight but by Jingo if we do,/ We’ve got the ships, we’ve got the men, we’ve got the money too,/ We’ve fought the Bear before, and while we’re Britons true,/ The Russians shall not have Constantinople.”
That was an unmistakable reference to the Crimean War some 25 years earlier, when a relatively small expeditionary force made up of British, French and Turkish contingents wiped the peninsula with the Russian army. The Russians fighting in Bulgaria took the hint, stopped their advance, and the Ottoman Empire hung on for another 40 years.
The first two lines of the rhyme offer infinite possibilities for parodic bowdlerisation. Thus, when Mussolini was about to invade Abyssinia in 1935, Punch mocked Britain’s impotence: “We don’t want you to fight but by Jingo if you do,/ We will probably issue a joint memorandum suggesting a mild disapproval of you.”
(As an unrelated aside, when Abyssinia changed her name in the 1940s, Englishmen of a certain class indulged their propensity for puns by replacing ‘goodbye’ with “Abyssinia, as they say in Ethiopia.” I can testify that my father-in-law still said that in the 1980s.)
The 1935 version seems especially relevant today. Yet again Russia is on a collision course, this time with Nato (and therefore Britain), not the Ottoman Empire. Yet again the West has sworn off any direct military involvement. Instead Western countries are responding with delayed-action economic sanctions, arms supplies to the Ukraine – and ubiquitous expressions of variously deep concern.
That’s why it’s time to take the old jingle off the mothballs, dust it off and put it to good bowdlerised use. Let’s see what we can do to develop the 1935 version of the first line: “We don’t want you to fight but by Jingo if you do…”
I can offer a few starters for ten, each based on cold indifference to, and ignorance of, the rules of versification.
“… We’ve got no men, nor any money, but we’ve got the ships (two).”
“… We’ll impose sanctions on your men and take their loose change away to spite you.”
“… We’ll ban your men, we’ll impound their money and their ships (yachts, to you).”
“… You can kiss your Eurovision good-bye, you KGB perverts, and we’ll enforce a no-fly zone over Heathrow, for you.”
“… We’ve got the will to fight you to the last drop of Ukrainian blood and your oil, and bully to you.”
“… We’ve got the words, but no guns, no ships, nor much money we can spare for you.”
Well, I’m running out of steam, and urgent help is needed. Please come up with your version of the second line, as I’m sure your mastery of rhyme and metre is superior to mine. A glittering prize awaits: a glowing mention in this space.
Stand warned though that I’ll entertain no entries featuring stronger oaths than ‘by Jingo’, nor any obscene references (however richly deserved) to Boris Johnson, Joe Biden or Peter Hitchens. You are welcome to rhyme “…do” with “… you”, provided you don’t precede it with the word I’m trying to avoid during Lent.
On second thoughts…
WE don’t want to fight but by Jingo if YOU do,
We’ll sit back and watch on the telly, we’ve got a lovely view.
We’ve fought the Bear before, but since true Britons are few,
The Russians are welcome to Kiev and maybe London, too.
I’m a bit distracted with work. I might give it another go later.
I’m between meetings, so here is a second attempt:
We don’t want to fight, but by Jingo if you do,
Well, there’s nothing much we can or will do about it. Our leaders are not statesmen. They do not understand diplomacy or deterrents or military strategy. They have never studied history. Their entire focus is on getting elected, then once in office, on getting re-elected. So, do your worst. We stand ready to shake our heads in disgust and possibly wag a finger or two. But stand warned: if this bloody war of yours raises the yearly average temperature even 1 degree C we are ready to hold a conference!
Rereading that I realize that it does not rhyme and the meter does seem a bit off. It’s been a while since I tried my hand at poetry.
That is what I call real poetry – not some wilting stuff about clouds and daffodils. Or should that be: ‘realpolitik’?
We don’t want to fight, and there’s absolutely no way we’re going to
We’re in NATO and you’re not, by jingo. Sorry, old chap.
We’d really love to fight, by Jingo yes we would,
We’ve got the planes, we’ve got the men ( and women/trans/non-binary persons ), our credit rating’s good.
We’ve fought the Bear before, but now that he has nukes,
We’re going to stay out of it as long as possible. Gadzooks!
We asked you not to fight, but confound it all, you’re fighting!
So we’ll cry and clap and sing and tweet, and turn down the central heating.
We dearly want to fight you, by jingo yes we do
Your incompetent hordes reflect badly on you (Vlad)
Your population’s dwindling, you really ought to care
Import some strapping Chinamen to lay your maidens fair
You’re coping on the daily, bleating ‘bout ya nukes
Scared to follow Stalin, drowning in ya puke!
We don’t want to fight but by Jingo if you do,
We’ll stay at home, we can’t be men; we know not what is true,
We’ve never fought the Bear before; we haven’t got a clue,
#StandWithUkraine is all that we can do.
I am torn among so many entries, putting my own to shame. I think Nicola has just shaded it.
Xxx