Playing the ponies will never be the same

One trick pony? Not at all. A pony has many tricks, as this candid shot shows.

As a life-long champion of progressive causes, I’m appalled at the gross miscarriage of justice perpetrated in Oklahoma.

It’s clear that the light of equal rights for everyone and everything hasn’t yet shone on that American backwater. Those hicks from the sticks still hold antediluvian views on alternative lifestyles – and they act on those views with troglodyte savagery.

Just witness the latest violation of human and animal rights making the news in that reactionary part of the world.

A naked man was… hold on a second, let me wait for my blood pressure to return to normal… Yes, that poor naked man was brutally arrested for having consensual and mutually satisfying sex with a miniature pony.

Arrested! For practising an alternative lifestyle! In a supposedly civilised country! Sorry, I’m going to run out of exclamation marks, I’m so worked up.

And the most worrying aspect of this gross violation of everything progressive humanity holds dear is that the victim had to come up with excuses for doing what comes naturally to him.

That’s like you having to defend yourself for having sex with your spouse of either sex or both of them.

The poor man had to claim that his action had been caused by the medication he was taking. Apparently there exist drugs that make people mount ponies in more ways than one.

Well, even though no excuses needed to be made, this one is perfectly plausible. A chap takes a pill and ponies up, as it were. All I can say is that the drug obviously wasn’t one of the half-dozen or so I take every morning, for none of them has so far had the same effect.

The victim was charged and held in lieu of a $50,000 bond – this for exercising his natural right to sexual self-expression of any kind. Charged with what? I hear you ask.

As far as I know, the pony was of age, so there’s no question of corrupting the morals of a minor. Since the pony didn’t kick back, nor showed any other signs of displeasure, a charge of rape clearly wouldn’t stick (Harvey Weinstein, ring your office). Neither did the pony suffer any physical damage.

So what’s left? Indecent exposure? Crime against nature?

In fact, the poor man was charged with those very transgressions. How ludicrous is that?

There’s no such thing as indecent exposure any longer, as last week’s Pride weekend in Brighton shows.

Converging on that Regency city (population 229,000) were 300,000 LGBT activists, wearing all sorts of imaginative costumes or none and giving the lucky residents variously explicit and uniformly entertaining demonstrations of their preferences.

Did anyone complain, never mind call the police? Of course not. Brighton residents have the notion of sexual equality so firmly ingrained that they kept their mouths shut (or sometimes agape) and tried to enjoy the show.

Crime against nature is an even more risible charge. Both the defendant and the pony are entitled to receive and give sexual pleasure. No harm to nature ensued, certainly none as compared to global warming caused – as the UN conclusively established – by your aerosol spray.

It was back in 2001 that Peter Singer, Boston professor of bioethics, explained why there’s nothing wrong about sex with animals.

Humans and animals, postulated this ultimate authority on such matters, can have “mutually satisfying” sexual relations because “we are animals, indeed more specifically, we are great apes.” Therefore such sex “ceases to be an offence to our status and dignity as human beings.” Or to the status and dignity of ponies, I feel like adding.

Oklahoma police are guilty of blatant speciesism, which, as far as human rights violations go, ranks with homophobia, misogyny, xenophobia and Brexit. That’s why I’m happy to announce my new initiative, which I hope you’ll support.

Some seven years ago I founded the ‘Charles Martel Society for Multiculturalism’, of which I proudly remain president and so far the only member. The structure of the Society allows for expansion into adjacent areas, which is why I’m adding a new chapter.

Provisionally called ‘The Dog and Pony Show’ (I felt ‘Go the Whole Hog’ or ‘Teaching Old Dogs New Tricks’ would be too limiting), it’ll be dedicated to worldwide struggle against sexual speciesism and for interspecies marriage.

Donations will be gratefully received – so pony up. Let’s put a new ‘B’ into LGBT: bestiality.

7 thoughts on “Playing the ponies will never be the same”

      1. There have been instances of finding a dead groom in a stable, the man in front of an open stall with his pants down and a big kick mark to the center of his forehead.

  1. We laugh, but this is definitely in our future. Lowering the age of consent and bestiality are next on the agenda for our modern progressives. Oh, did I write “bestiality”? Sorry, I meant “interspecies love”. No, for even that is too limiting, as it implies living organisms (marrying one’s dish or spoon will be coming, I fear!). Let’s just all agree that any interaction with any object is a beautiful act of “love” and go with that.

    Keep up the good work, Mr. Boot. Your insight and humor brighten my mornings.

    Oh! I just had a terrible thought: once pedophilia is made legal, the state will have to pay reparations to all those who were incarcerated unjustly for this act, which in saner times was considered a crime. Now our tax dollars will be used to subsidize… oh, I can’t even write it!

    1. I think they’ve legalised bestiality in Denmark, or at least it’s on the agenda. Now that we’ve had the normalisation of homosexuality thrust upon us, we’re now seeing the legions of cultural Marxism moving on to transsexualism. Fifty years ago, you would have been sectioned if you suggested that 2 people of the same sex should walk down the aisle together. In 50 years from now? Watch out for demands for the age of consent to be lowered…it’s all in the interests of equality, isn’t it?

  2. “Watch out for demands for the age of consent to be lowered”

    It just happened in France. To placate the restive Muslims undoubtedly who want child marriage to some old coot. Like Mohammad did with Aisha. They become the head and you become the tail.

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