The sexy devils of education

In Borken, Germany, 11-year-olds were ordered in class to draw the cross-sections of male and female genitalia.

Apparently, however, children in that sleepy town hadn’t yet acquired the sophistication we expect from our progeny. This they proved when two impressionable tots fainted, while the others hyperventilated. All in all, 10 children were taken to hospital.

In France the parents of a little girl were fined a hefty amount. Their crime? They failed to bring their daughter up properly. The little one rushed out of the classroom when shown an “educational” (pornographic) film about coitus. Such squeamishness was treated as culpable absenteeism.

In Switzerland parents demonstrated against their four-year-olds receiving graphic tuition in the facts of life. As part of that valuable education, the precocious tots were taught “how it is, when one doesn’t know exactly whether one is male or female. They can then consciously choose their sexuality, just as they do with religion.”

So how does the lesson go? “Last week, class, we learned about the birds and the bees. Today, we’re going to learn about the birds and the birds.” Sounds all right to me.

However, I’m aghast at the suggestion that children can choose their sexuality. There I was, thinking that one is born one way or the other, with no conscious choice involved. Therefore, say, Peter Tatchell can’t be blamed for being what he is, a fanatical propagandist of homosexuality.

Now it turns out it’s all a matter of choice. From this one may conclude at a weaker moment that a person can be blamed for choosing wrong. Since in our enlightened time this is patently impossible, the only other conclusion is that there’s no such thing as right or wrong. There, that works.

By order of the Swiss Education Ministry, the Swiss cherubs were also given soft-toy penises and vaginas to play with, presumably sticking one into the other. This has to be much more educational than tops or bouncy castles. One can only regret that the ungrateful parents saw fit to form a coalition, whose goal is the “protection against sexualisation in kindergartens and primary schools”.

Isn’t that what kindergartens are for? Children are going to learn sooner or later anyway, and sooner is better than later. Really, there’s no understanding some people.

In Greymouth, New Zealand, 11-year-olds were taught about various amorous possibilities, including anal and oral sex. Some retrograde parents threw a wobbly and, for the time being, that part of education was put on hold. Clearly, there’s still some more pedagogic work to be done.

Queensland primary schools teach Aussie youngsters that abortion can be “a relief”, a bit like aspirin, and hormones make “you feel sexy”. They certainly do, and trust all those previous generations to insist mistakenly that there ought to be some moral considerations involved as well.

In Spain, the Extremadura regional government produced a sex-education video designed for the “development of healthy habits, self-esteem and safety.” As one of the safe, healthy habits, the video covers “sexual self-exploration and erotic self-knowledge.” Or, in other words, masturbation.

Not to be outdone, our own Department of Education has produced the Living and Growing DVD aimed at five-year-olds. Speaking to the target audience in the language they understand, the video uses the format of a pornographic… sorry, I mean educational, cartoon showing a couple going at it hammer and tongs, with the man ejaculating at the end, presumably not prematurely.

That’s truly disgusting. I mean, shouldn’t those 5-year-olds be taught how to contain ejaculation within condoms? Of course they should.

Unfortunately, condoms aren’t yet made in that size, but this oversight can be corrected easily enough. After all, teaching aids are essential to education. When such undersized products become available, our educators will be able to produce another kindergarten video, working title “Little johnnies for little Johnnies”.

Had enough? I certainly have. Far be it from me to use such an uncool, unfashionable word as ‘satanic’, but my lexicon isn’t broad enough to find any others.

Perhaps it would be better to leave the domain of philology for that of history to remind the united educators of the world that the Roman Empire was brought down by the kind of decadence that, comparatively, was indeed child’s play.












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