In a revolting, possibly illegal, display of racial stereotyping, The Times has seen fit to publish this photograph of the Manchester United striker Marcus Rashford (below).
Rage is constricting my throat, my unashamedly wokish consciousness is rolling on the floor frothing at the mouth, the overpowering sense of my world collapsing around me is driving coherent thoughts from my mind .
How can our broadsheets be unaware of the binary black-ape image every white person – which is to say racist – already has in his mind, without having it reinforced?
If Satan was the ape of God to Augustine (who himself was off-white), a simian can mean just one thing to a modern sensibility: a black man. This outrage is only partly mitigated by another fact self-evident to a modern sensibility, that originally we are all apes.
While congratulating those who don’t doubt this scientific fact on their capacity for frank self-assessment, I must still insist that no white person, which is to say racist, should be allowed to hide his racism under Darwin’s beard.
For this is the thin end of the wedge. The same editor who saw fit to publish this obscenity yesterday will tomorrow throw bananas at Afro-Caribbean persons, only to advocate and then perpetrate genocide the day after.
Hence, by registering this protest, I not only vent my virtue-signalling conscience but also, one hopes, prevent genocide. This may partly expiate the indelible sin of whiteness from which I’ve suffered my whole long life.
As to Marcus Rashford, I refuse to believe that an Afro-Caribbean person would pose for such a Nazi shot voluntarily.
Say it ain’t so, Marcus! Say they were aiming a gun at you from behind the camera! Say it’s a Photoshop job! Say you didn’t acquiesce in this raceploitation (I’m proud of having just added this new word to the glossary of righteousness).
Please say something along those lines before a build-up of virtue implodes my head. And do bankroll my forthcoming lawsuit against The Times. At £10.4 million a year, you can jolly well afford it.