This little piggy isn’t going anywhere near Oxford

As a life-long champion of the ethos of share-care-be-aware, and chairman (and so far the only member) of the Charles Martel Society for Multiculturalism, I welcome every call for religious sensitivity, no matter how seemingly risible.

Every time our Muslim friends have a bit of fun with Kalashnikovs or Semtex such calls become more urgent, and the high moral ground from which they are issued reaches a new plateau.

Well, I’m sorry it has to take violence to make a point that already must be clear to anyone, and not just a life-long champion of multi-culti rectitude like me.

But at least the point is made, and I’m happy to observe that it is heeded. Those French cartoonists, kosher shoppers and zealous protectors for Islamic sensitivity didn’t die in vain.

In a move long overdue, Oxford University Press has banned all references to pigs and pork in its publications, not to offend Jews and Muslims (in that order).

To be honest, I’ve never met a Jew who vociferously objected to seeing pork sold at London or New York supermarkets. Some of my Jewish friends don’t eat pork, but they don’t openly mind others tucking into their bacon sarnies.

But hey, that’s just one man’s experience. I’m sure that even as we speak there are blokes somewhere up in Golders Green loading 30-round mags into their AKs to shoot up every purveyor of Cumberland sausages in London.

And speaking of London, the publisher’s courageous action immediately shamed me into ringing my local estate agent.

I was suddenly made aware of how offensive the name of my area of London must sound to Jews and, as an afterthought, Muslims. Fulham! Get it? Ful-HAM!

Yes, I know the etymology of Fulham has nothing to do with pork products, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the potential for offence, and our – just! – law says that a racial or religious insult is anything the victim says it is.

Actually, my first call went to the Hammersmith & Fulham Council (a doubly offensive name!), to inquire in a rather imperative tone if they had any immediate plans of changing the name to, say, Lambersmith & Fullamb. It’s only after they answered in the negative that I decided to move, possibly to Hampstead…

Oops, this just goes to show how deeply entrenched religious prejudice is even in a life-long champion of religious equality. No, scratch Hampstead – along with Birmingham, Rotherham, Hamburg or any hamlet in his creation.

Oxford University Press have started a laudable academic trend, and long may it continue. I assume that their next step will be to complement book publishing with book burning.

Books by both Roger and Francis Bacon will be the first into the bonfire, followed by every reproduction of paintings by the other Francis Bacon, every edition of Hamlet (both the play and Faulkner’s novel) and Pygmalion, all zoology texts that as much as mention either pigs or porcupines, along with every collection of nursery rhymes that include the one about little piggies going to market or, for that matter, staying at home.

I am happy to see that this worthy initiative has been indirectly supported by both Pope François and President Francis… sorry, I got their names the wrong way around. An understandable mistake, for on this issue the two men speak as one.

President Francis stated his intention to protect all religions equally because Christianity and Islam are indeed equal, especially Islam.

“French Muslims have the same rights as all other French,” he said. “We have the obligation to protect them.”

He didn’t expand to specify that those rights include the right to protect their brittle religious sensitivities with SMG bursts, but, considering the time the announcement was made, this is a natural inference.

At least this seems to be the inference Pope François made, when he explained that those who get shot for telling jokes about other people’s faiths have only themselves to blame.

“It’s normal,” explained His Holiness. “You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others.” Except, dare one add, Christianity, what with its silly notion of turning the other cheek.

I can’t imagine that Pope François will be looking for an alternative career in any immediate future, but President Francis definitely will be, after France’s next election. Not to worry, he has a bright future with Oxford University Press.   

Do you get the impression that our authorities, both political and spiritual, are making a pig’s ear out of our civilisation with their porkies?

One just wishes they sat down and pondered both the meaning and the potential consequences of their pronouncements. Then perhaps they’ll realise that our countries are rapidly heading for an outburst of civil violence bordering on civil war.

I’m sure by now they’ve had second thoughts… Yeah, yeah. And pigs will fly.   

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.