You think we’ve got it bad?

When asked if women could have penises, every reflex of our illustrious prime minister impelled him to reply with an unequivocal affirmative. Such a statement, however, might have upset those of his supporters who still retained a few vestiges of sanity.

Some hedging was called for, but luckily that’s one art form in which Sir Keir excels. So he went against his innermost instincts and begrudgingly admitted that 99.99 per cent of women are deprived of that anatomical fixture.

Translating dry percentages into living, breathing absolute numbers, Starmer thereby claimed that 34,000 British women are blessed with the appendage in question.

This is such obvious nonsense that one has to reach a melancholy conclusion: Starmer et al. are away with the fairies. They seem to live in a virtual world out of touch with any reality perceived by the five senses.

This is the prime symptom of schizophrenia, except that, unlike real madmen, our woke loonies have the option of returning to sanity. They retain God’s gift of free will – and exercise it by throwing the gift back into the deity’s face.

Hence the true diagnosis is transmania, which in its turn is a subset of a broader clinical picture. This lot wish to create a new reality, one in which decency, common sense, even powers of observation have no place. The human mind is excommunicated, along with all five senses. An ideological commitment to destroying our civilisation reigns not just supreme but alone.

That’s why hardly a day goes by that we don’t read about another sane person finding himself on the receiving end of virulent attacks. His crime is saying that men are men, women are women, and never the twain shall meet, not within the same breast at any rate.

Even people like JK Rowling, those who boast impeccable Left-wing credentials, aren’t spared hatred for uttering something newly controversial, such as that men, however they identify, can’t have periods. Fortunately for Miss Rowling, she can hide behind an impregnable wall of her multi-billion fortune and ignore her detractors.

Many others have the same views but not the same protection. School masters and university professors have been known to be summarily dismissed by suggesting that men can’t become women and vice versa. Scientists who publish research to that effect suffer the same fate.

However, and I don’t know whether you’ll accept this as a consolation, our plight isn’t so bad, relatively speaking. Compared to France in this respect, Britain almost looks like a bastion of conservatism.

Reading the official mission statement issued by the French Foreign Ministry, I came across a sentence whose first part I’ll leave out and invite you to complete: “… is a priority of French foreign policy.”

Here’s your multiple choice: A. “Stopping Russian aggression in Europe…”; B. “Projecting strength independently of the US…”; C. “Cultivating essential military and economic alliances…”; D. None of the above.

If you’ve chosen D., I congratulate you on your astuteness. For the actual opening says: “Decriminalisation and the protection of the rights of LGBT+ people…”. Globally, that is.

That by itself should be enough to realise that France’s acceleration downhill is even faster than ours. Still, by way of illustration here’s an incident that happened in Paris the other day.

An odd-looking couple were walking down the street. The woman topped the man by a head, which attracted second looks from the passersby. That revealed that the giant woman started life as simply a tall male, something that Frenchmen are trained both to notice and not to notice at the same time.

One passerby, however, must’ve missed the training programme. He said something he thought was funny but the couple took as an offence. A scuffle ensued, with the ‘woman’ exchanging blows with the offender.

Onlookers instantly formed a circle around the warring parties. Yet most of them must have attended the requisite indoctrination classes, which is why they ganged up on the humorous chap. “Shame on you!” they cried. “How dare you hit a woman!”

As he ducked a right cross, the unwitting pugilist screamed back: “She isn’t a bloody woman! (Ce n’est pas une putain de femme!). She’s a man!”

It was those few words and not, say, affray that proved his undoing. Police promptly arrived, arrested the man and threw him into a remand cell where he’s awaiting trial. You see, failure to accept a transwoman as a woman is a criminal offence in France.

As far back as in 2010, France became the first country in the world to declassify gender dysphoria as a mental illness. And since 2017, transsexuals have been allowed to change their legal sex without undergoing surgery or receiving any medical diagnosis.

A French equivalent of JK Rowling wouldn’t be able to hide behind the ramparts of her billions. She wouldn’t have just caused the ire of the woke brigade. She would have committed a crime and would have had her collar felt.

France has form in such progressive legislation, as befits a revolutionary republic. Thus all sodomy laws were repealed in 1791 during the French Revolution, making France the first country in history to decriminalise homosexuality. In Britain, a similar law only came into effect in 1967, with the retrograde Britons being two centuries too slow on the uptake.

Everywhere you look, France remains the frontrunner of progress, with Britain lagging behind but straining every woke muscle to close the gap. For example, conversion therapy, for both homosexuals and transsexuals, has been banned in France since 2022.

After all, such therapy, it was explained to the interested parties, can lead to low self-esteem, and what could possibly be worse than that? Nothing, really. Nevertheless, though Starmer’s government has vowed to introduce a similar ban in the UK, it has so far failed to do so.

All told, next time you feel like swearing whenever you espy Sir Keir’s likeness on a newspaper page or a TV screen, do what I do. Look across the Channel and experience that warm feeling of schadenfreude. The French are even worse off than we are.